Dear Eloise, March 19th, 2012
Spring has arrived, my darling- not officially to be sure, but in my heart I feel the warmth of the sun once more upon us. I foresee all frozen earth melting into puddles of life once more, and summer’s hearth is but a blink in absence.
Another year has passed, and our anniversary is coming up again. It is strange to think time has elapsed at all sometimes. But it has and it does. Your father and I know so well now, that Time is the ever ebbing tide we must bear here and now, but not forever.
My beloved child…so often I have thought about what I would say to you now. So I simply will say it, without holding back. I am so proud of who you are. I never knew how God had chosen to bless me with your life. You are something I could not have imagined as wonderful if I happened to try. I still feel your presence daily even with you off on your happy adventures, and my heart swells so much with missing you it inevitably cuts my breath every time. You know, your brothers would be so happy to see you now and all that you have become.
I must tell you that your father wants you to know how beautiful you are and that you will always be Papa’s baby. No one else holds your place in his heart, you know. When you left, he never quite got over it. None of us have, really. I cannot imagine we ever will, until we have the opportunity to hug you for ourselves.
I often think of birthdays when I think of you, my sweet love…your 5th birthday, perhaps, in particular. I would buy you bows. Beautiful hair bows. The fancy kind your grandma used to put in my hair at that age. I felt like a princess when I wore them. I had wanted you to feel the loveliest you could.
There is so much I could say, but mostly there is so much I would do with you, had I the gift of time. No mind can conceive what it is to share in the life of a daughter. My heart aches with longing to share in your life now. That beating for you shall never cease.
I feel like I had you for a lifetime that was stolen, but in fact it was weeks I had you and our future is what we have. Not now. I know. But someday, when my life is complete here, I will meet you where you are now. And I will never stop looking forward to that day. I will finally hold you as I never did. I promise we will celebrate your birthday my baby girl and I will give you the most regal bows God has in heaven. Papa wants to dance the “father daughter” dance with you he will miss at your wedding. You always are his princess. Sometimes I think, at least Papa will be spared, “giving you away” that day, as I am pretty sure, with how much he loves you, it would be heartbreak to see you go.
Lastly, I just want to thank you for you- for the beautiful little person you are. Thank you my baby, for sharing with us your sweet life. I will never stop thanking God for giving us you. It was so short a heartbeat here on earth, but it left an imprint of your soul on our lives for all eternity. We are forever yours, and you will always be our baby girl. Always and forever,
P.S. I wrote this for you because I was inspired by this joyful burst of verse- and that’s what you are to me: my joyful burst of verse in an eternal soul.
For you my Dear One:
“I want to jump and shout aloud in gratitude at having been allowed to live in this world, sharing with all its creatures the blessed gift of life.”
IN MEMORY of our beloved child, Eloise, who though never walked this earth, was welcomed with a grateful heart into her mother’s womb and was taken to meet her loving Creator October 14th, 2010- making heaven ever a more joyful place.